John Kruk
John Kruk
Here are some of the best and funniest stories about John Kruk, a guy who didn’t just play baseball well—he lived it with wild honesty and a great sense of humor:
While with the Phillies, Kruk was smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer in the clubhouse when a woman criticized him for being out of shape for a professional athlete. His now-legendary reply:
“I ain’t an athlete, lady, I’m a baseball player.”
It became his signature quote and perfectly summed up his “regular guy” image.
In 1994, Kruk was diagnosed with testicular cancer after a spring training injury led to a routine physical. He beat it, but his lighthearted take on the diagnosis showed his spirit:
“I found out I had cancer when a pickoff throw hit me in the groin. Only I could get cancer from being a bad baserunner.”
He made a successful return and continued playing.
In 1995, while playing for the White Sox, Kruk got a hit in what would be his final at-bat. After reaching first base, he told the first base coach:
“I’m done.”
He walked off the field, went straight to the clubhouse, retired mid-game, and never played again. Just like that. Classic Kruk.
The 1993 Phillies were a lovable, rowdy group—and Kruk was their ringleader. That team featured mullets, beer guts, and tons of personality. Kruk once said:
“We weren't athletes. We were just ballplayers who loved to hit, spit, and play ball.”
He fit perfectly into a clubhouse full of characters like Lenny Dykstra and Mitch “Wild Thing” Williams.
In a hilarious All-Star moment, Randy Johnson threw a 100-mph fastball over Kruk’s head, terrifying him. Kruk, clearly shaken, took funny, exaggerated swings at the next pitches and struck out laughing.
It showed how Kruk never took the game—or himself—too seriously.
John Kruk was more than just a .300 hitter—he was a legend of baseball culture, known for his:
Blue-collar swagger
Quick wit
Unfiltered honesty
Gutsy play
He’s the kind of guy fans loved because he wasn’t perfect. He was real.